the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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