i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
