I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
