Whod you bang
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
