You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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