I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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