how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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