I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
