All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
