My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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