I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize