I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
