and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
