so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
