I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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