and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
