Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize