New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
