oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
