You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
