we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
