ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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