i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
