You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
