we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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