dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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