You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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