I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he shaved USA in his pubs
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
