just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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