my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
