That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
