no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
