i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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