the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you didnt know i had herpes?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
