Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
