Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
