Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
