the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
