I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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