Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
