i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We're too hungover to prance.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
