One girl and one boy is just not enough.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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