sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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