So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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