Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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