so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize