I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
