It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
