if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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