I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
