No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
