come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
