last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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