im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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