it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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