i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
