my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
