I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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