What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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