in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
