i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
