You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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