Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
