My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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